So Now You Have to Cook a Turkey - A Poultry-Haters Guide of What Not To Do

I'll be the first to admit it : I don't like cooking birds.

Don't get me wrong, I like cooking parts of birds. I love BBQ chicken breasts and fried wings. I don't like when it comes to wrestling an entire foul into a pot and arguing with various opinionated hungry helpers. No. In those cases I'd mostly just rather not.

That being said, I had the fortune to be born with ovaries, so it seems the task of not killing everyone at the thanksgiving dinner table falls to me. Lucky, eh?

Needless to say, I've done my fair share of Googling, texting and Pinteresting and emailing my mother to ward off salmonella this holiday season. But all of you lovely people are quite capable of doing that. So in the spirit of sharing - like the Indians and the settlers, here is my list of what doesn't help the turkey cook faster:

Feed an Army - Brown Rice "Cocktail"

This may not sound like your cup of tea. But the uses are endless. Personally, I eat this with butter and fresh ground pepper. Mmm! So Good!! Today, it's gracing the table for thanksgiving dinner - and since my track record with poultry isn't all that great, I tout this as my specialty and let the turkey take second line. 

What you're going to need:

3 cups brown rice (half cooked)

1 clove minced garlic 

1 onion diced (I'm not an onion fan - I use half) 

8 large mushrooms sliced 

1 stalk celery sliced 

3 large grated carrots 

1/2 cup pine nuts or slivered almonds (I like almonds) 

1/2 cup fresh parsley chopped ( or 1 teaspoon dried) 

3 tablespoons butter 

Pepper, salt, sage, thyme to taste (lazy cooks - like me - can get away with 2 or 3 teaspoons of generic poultry seasoning) 

3 cups of Chicken stock (you can also use vegetable stock if making this a vegetarian dish) 

Cook the rice halfway-about 15 minutes. Meanwhile in a skillet, melt butter. Sauté garlic, onion, mushrooms, carrot, celery for 5 minutes. Add pine nuts (or almonds) and parsley to warm. 

Dump rice and mixture into slow cooker and season well. Add stock and turn onto high for 3 - 4 hours. Add stock or water if needed.

I like doing a blend of wild and brown rice - superstore sells a great bulk blend! 

Unexpected Company - Bocconcini BItes

Next time you have company descending on you, now, whip these little morsels up. They are awesome, easy and sure to please.

This particular dish is absurdly easy. I love bocconcini. Especially when paired with hothouse cherry tomatoes. For this dish, i simply halved the mini bocconcini and slivered off the ends of the tomatoes to make them a bit more manageable. Serve drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Sugar Rush - Maple Baked Brie with Walnuts

(photo coming soon)
I love party pieces. Especially when it requires minimal effort and yields maximum results. Baked brie falls into this category with ease. You have the ability when serving this dish to be amazing,you can whip it up quickly, wearing a fabulous LBD and sky-high heels with no mess, no fuss in no time at all. I have tried a few different kinda of baked brie, but I only feature my favourites. Try this, and fall in love.

For The Love of Veggies - Tempura

Tempura is so easy. I never took any notice before, but it really is. And again, like most easy things (muffins, sloppy joe's, gravy...) you could go to Safeway and pick up a tempura mix, add water and go. But (again), why would you when this is so much easier and better? I will admit that while I was making this for dinner for myself the timing was a little tricky, word to the wise - asparagus and carrots take the longest. I used a wok filled with canola oil, but if you have a deep frier, that would work perfectly too. I do believe that you could do a gluten-free version of this, I will let you know what I find. I suppose this really isn't the healthiest way to enjoy veggies, but some days - like today - that just doesn't matter.

Summer Salad Series - I Left (my heart in) San Francisco

 Salads inspired by songs?
Maybe... But mainly I love music. I love food. Why not marry them? Even if only briefly.
I was in San Francisco a few years ago and nearly died of over indulgence from all the crab cakes I ate. It would have been so worth it. This recipe makes six cakes, and serves as more of a larger appetizer then a true side. But I've never had any complaints regarding that. Plus, it's totally easy to put together when company arrives, since it can be made pretty much ahead of time.

Little Bubba - Coconut Shrimp

 I had the best coconut shrimp in Miami a few years ago at Bubba Gump's.
These are almost just as good, plus totally easy and inexpensive (and a great party dish!).

Party Favours - Chocolate Waffle Cups

Girls coming over? Need something quick and fabulous?
Make these! 
The raspberries can be switched out for strawberries, blackberries, even peach slices. Really, whatever you have on hand. Even kiwi would work.

Girls Night In - Sangria

Makes TONS - but, that's hardly a problem!

1 bottle cheap red wine
2 liter bottle Ginger ale or Sprite
1 can limeade concentrate
1 can orange concentrate
3 cans water
1 orange, sliced
1 lemon, sliced
1 lime, sliced

Make sure you have a bowl big enough, but it wont last long!