So Now You Have to Cook a Turkey - A Poultry-Haters Guide of What Not To Do

I'll be the first to admit it : I don't like cooking birds.

Don't get me wrong, I like cooking parts of birds. I love BBQ chicken breasts and fried wings. I don't like when it comes to wrestling an entire foul into a pot and arguing with various opinionated hungry helpers. No. In those cases I'd mostly just rather not.

That being said, I had the fortune to be born with ovaries, so it seems the task of not killing everyone at the thanksgiving dinner table falls to me. Lucky, eh?

Needless to say, I've done my fair share of Googling, texting and Pinteresting and emailing my mother to ward off salmonella this holiday season. But all of you lovely people are quite capable of doing that. So in the spirit of sharing - like the Indians and the settlers, here is my list of what doesn't help the turkey cook faster:

Feed an Army - Brown Rice "Cocktail"

This may not sound like your cup of tea. But the uses are endless. Personally, I eat this with butter and fresh ground pepper. Mmm! So Good!! Today, it's gracing the table for thanksgiving dinner - and since my track record with poultry isn't all that great, I tout this as my specialty and let the turkey take second line. 

What you're going to need:

3 cups brown rice (half cooked)

1 clove minced garlic 

1 onion diced (I'm not an onion fan - I use half) 

8 large mushrooms sliced 

1 stalk celery sliced 

3 large grated carrots 

1/2 cup pine nuts or slivered almonds (I like almonds) 

1/2 cup fresh parsley chopped ( or 1 teaspoon dried) 

3 tablespoons butter 

Pepper, salt, sage, thyme to taste (lazy cooks - like me - can get away with 2 or 3 teaspoons of generic poultry seasoning) 

3 cups of Chicken stock (you can also use vegetable stock if making this a vegetarian dish) 

Cook the rice halfway-about 15 minutes. Meanwhile in a skillet, melt butter. Sauté garlic, onion, mushrooms, carrot, celery for 5 minutes. Add pine nuts (or almonds) and parsley to warm. 

Dump rice and mixture into slow cooker and season well. Add stock and turn onto high for 3 - 4 hours. Add stock or water if needed.

I like doing a blend of wild and brown rice - superstore sells a great bulk blend!